Do you think that couples often argue? According to a survey by the University of Michigan's Social Research Institute, more than 90% of couples argue at least once a month. Common issues in family disagreements are money, sex and time together. None of this will surprise someone who has a long term relationship. However, the results of a new study carried out by University of North Carolina scientists showed that a study of cognitive abilities – the highest function of the human brain – can explain why some couples are better at dealing with disagreements.
Train your memory
The lead author of the study, Levy Baker, and his colleagues told Scientific American that high-working spouses are better at remembering each other's messages when discussing problems. In return, over time, these couples have made greater progress in solving their problems. The study found that couples can overcome the difficulties of the cognitive factor, which directly affects the quality of communication between partners. In other words, the more new information you learn and remember, the stronger your relationship with your spouse becomes.
The sample included 101 couples who were married for less than three months. The newlyweds worked individually and initially completed tests on the ability to focus attention on information for a short period of time. For example, following what someone said during a conversation. Then the couples took part in the discussion of the problems together. After the discussion, the two went into separate rooms and wrote down each other's wishes. Finally, after four and eight months, questionnaires were emailed to couples, asking scientists to reassess the severity of the problems. Those couples whose memory work turned out to be taller found better problems with further observations. Moreover, high working-memory spouses were the most accurate in describing their desires for discussing problems.
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Give each other more time
Researchers noted that other cognitive factors, such as the ability to think, may also play a role in resolving marital conflicts. The findings of the researchers show that one way for partners to eliminate conflicts in marriage is to pay more attention to each other in discussing issues. You probably had to meet a person whose name you could not remember a few seconds later. In fact, you did not forget that person's name – you just never remembered him. In other words, you have not paid enough attention to transferring the stranger's name to your long-term memory. If you do not consider what your partner is saying when discussing a problem, you will not remember what has been discussed. Therefore, scientists advise you to listen carefully to your partner and discuss issues in a relationship when you are resting, sober, and nothing distracts you.